Life

Life takes unexpected twists and turns and you just have to learn to deal with them with a positive attitude. The last 3 months of my life have been pretty hairy and there have been ups and downs and bottom of the barrel moments. HOWEVER, I am a strong woman and believe things happen for a reason. I will come out on top as a better person for it. At least that's what I keep telling myself. :)
I am beyond thankful for the wonderful friends, family and puppies I have around me to help keep my head up and encourage me. My life is great and I just need to make some adjustments for the changes I have recently encountered.

A new page ...

It seems there are many new things already lined up for 2010, some of which we are already enjoying.

We have moved into a new house - less than a block from the beach - with lots of room, sunlight, a view of the beach and a yard for the babies. :) There have already been days where we haven't left the house at all or had a desire to! Needless to say, we love it here.

We adopted Rhino about 6 weeks ago and he is adapting to our family very nicely. We rang in the new year at home with our 2 dogs.

Today we are saying good bye to Bobby Bowden and are thankful for everything he has done for FSU football. Let's hope Jimbo can at least try to follow in his footsteps.

All is going well already and we are already planning for new additions next year. ;)

Thank you to all of my friends and family for making my life everything I have dreamed of.

Charles Luke Milam

Two years have quickly passed but the pain is still here. I often think of Luke and smile; I know he is right beside me. The memories scroll through my mind like a movie on replay. While I smile, laugh and appreciate the time we had together, I always feel like it was never enough. Because it wasn't.

My heart hurts today and I would give anything to be pulled into him again, with my head on his chest for one last hug and an, "I love you little one".

I remember telling him that I was planning to buy a ring for Shanna and the huge smile that broke out across his face. He loved her so very much, but somehow trusted me enough to know I would take good care of her. And I hope he thinks I am doing a good job.

I imagine that he watches over us all of the time, cheering us on and sending little reminders our way to remind us that he is still here, inside of us.

There is a Jewish Yahrzeit Memorial Candle burning in our house for him today. Because I don't know what else to do.

Why we get challenged with certain things in life, I will never know. But a challenge this is, for all that loved him so dearly. So we have all come together and become one big family through all of the pain and suffering, the memories and healing. At least one good thing came of this tragic loss. And for that, I know he is grateful.

Rest in peace, Lukie.

KIA 25 September 2007, Afghanistan

Forrest Gump

I have to give Forrest Gump more credit than I initially did. Running is not NEARLY as easy as he made it look. Not by far. After running 12 miles, I am sitting here with aches and pains like I am a 90 year old lady. Afterall, I should not be complaining at all. I am happy and healthy and actually able to run 12 miles and that says something. But I am definitely not running across the whole darn country any time soon.

Training for this marathon has been awesome. Sometimes overwhelming physically and emotionally but overall just awesome!

The support I get from my friends and family helps me get through all the hard times and I know Robert would be very proud. True, he would think I was absolutely crazy for doing this (and maybe he would be right!) but he would be proud!

Busy

I haven't posted anything in months .. three to be exact. I have found myself to be really busy. Busy working (a job I finally love) and balancing my/our life here (a place I truly love).

Everything seems to be falling into place very nicely and I am ready for a brand new year - a clean slate to begin again on. There is always something refreshing about a New Year!

Happy 2009 - I hope your dreams come true and you find happiness in every day and every thing you do.

Dog days ....

Lucy is a very welcome addition to our family. Shanna is overjoyed as I am. We believe she is the perfect dog. At 2 yrs old, she is already house broken, rarely barks, doesn't jump and is the cutest pup ever! We make regular trips to the dog park, where she already has a bunch of friends to play with. We like to go everywhere together .. she even joined us for Happy Hour at our local bar last night. Yes, everyone loves her. Welcome home Lucy. We are glad you are here.

moving

so - i have never moved with someone and the feeling is superb .. i am excited - nervous - anxious. i get the opportunity to start a very new chapter in my life and i get an experience that not everyone gets to have.

i love my girlfriend more than she will ever know. all i want for us is happiness - and i am excited to get a fresh start together. :)

i look forward to sharing more of our life together ... in a different place with different experiences, trials and tribulations. please come visit and continue to be a part of our lives - you are always welcome in our home.

San Diego

San Diego was everything I hoped it would be. Good company. Time away from reality. Lots of laughs. I actually slept for the first time in months and got a few minutes of calm. At one point I was staring off into space and thinking about NOTHING. God, that felt good.

Thank you girls for escaping with me.

Cato's - a panama city diamond in the rough

Cato's is one of the best seafood restaurants / raw bars I have ever been to. I feel like that is saying a lot since I have lived in Florida all my life and LOVE seafood. (thankfully I am not one of those weirdo's that lives in Florida and hates seafood - I always think that is strange)

So, back to my story. Cato's used to be a Jr. store (for all the non-rednecks, that is a convenient store) and has been converted into a restaurant. Many things in Panama City used to be a Jr. store - and when I say many things, I mean about 90% of establishments. The chain restaurants tend to build their own structures. Oh yeah, back to Cato's.

You walk right into Cato's and sit down as this nice lady whirls around the place, asking what you want to drink ($1.00 drafts) and brings it to your plastic table. Whenever you feel you are ready, you walk up to the glass counter and order your supper by picking the raw fish/shrimp in front of you and deciding whether you want original or spicy. (I ALWAYS go for spicy!) The two times I have been there I ate the best shrimp I have ever had. Really. Perfectly steamed. Better than any shellfish, shrimp or lobster, I have ever had. The lady even took the heads off for me the first time I was there (she made me promise not to tell anyone and to say she was a bitch if anyone in town asked). Luckily, I didn't have to ask for another favor since the shrimp I got this time were already de-headed.

Let's see ... what else? Oh yeah, the bathroom. Hmmmm. Well, there is a unisex bathroom like I have never seen before. You see, you walk in and find your "spot" either under the "his" or "hers" sign. Yep. No divider; you can share if you like. I prefer my privacy so I politely locked the door and squatted over the "hers" toilet.

Cato's is just another Panama City gem. If you are ever in town, you should definitely stop by. Actually, I don't even think they have set hours; they are just open if you are lucky. And trust me, it is well worth it. :-)

keeping busy

i think keeping busy is an art form. especially when lonely, stressed or just overall bored. sometimes it just seems i want the day to be over. but wait ... who wants to rush life?! so we all try to enjoy the moments we have, whether they be with someone or in solitude.

keeping your mind busy can be tricky but so can turning it off when you are hoping to get those ever so precious hours of sleep. (sometimes i am grateful for even a few minutes)

it seems to be somewhat of a vicious cycle and it is not anything i have even come close to mastering at this point in my life. but then again, this point in my life seems a little more jumbled up than i would have ever hoped for.

Planes Trains and Automobiles ...

Ok, so I do not typically have to take a train and cars provide much more control over your own agenda. Therefore, I guess I should say ... Planes, Delays and hopefully the end of my constant travel.

I have been delayed in Ft Lauderdale, Hartford, Detroit, Denver and now Dallas. This time I am happy to be delayed instead of having to deal with a cancelled flight and getting home god only knows when. People are running around, crying, searching for the suitcase they checked because they hoped their flight on American Airlines would take off and I am ... sitting by my gate, patiently waiting with my carry on bag. Oh yeah, did I mention the guy sitting next to me smells like a mixture of rotten onions and body odor?! ** Think positive thoughts that this guy is not in seat 15E. I do not think I can take 3 hours with a stinky (and that is an understatement) boy sitting next to me.

I have been gone about 2-3 days per week since the new year so I have had a lot of time to contemplate life. And, really, everything runs through my mind - funny and serious. At first traveling was not bad since I had a fancy new carry on bag and no longer had to wait for my luggage; well, that and it was something new at work. I decided I could get a lot of work done in hotels at night and focus on my career Monday through Friday.

Then a couple of months flew by - literally. Where did the past four months go? Oh yeah, they were spent in hotels and airports. You see, unfortunately, I have had to deal with thoughts surrounding death and therefore, what is important in life, more than I ever thought I would have to at this age. Some very special people to me have helped me see (in one way or another) that no one will ever leave this earth and wish for another day/hour at work. BUT I have had the invaluable opportunity to learn that traveling for my career is not my cup of tea. Who ever tried to ingrain in us that career was so important anyway? Who needs it? What ever happened to making your family, friends and happiness the priority in your life? It is that aspect of my life that truly completes my dreams -- not a raise, not a promotion, but invaluable time with my loved ones.

No one has ever complained that too much time was spent on this earth with the ones they love. And if there was someone that did, I surely would not want to ever know them.

Toys

Shanna loves a toy. Really, anything that can entertain her for more than 5 minutes is very exciting. Almost 6 years into our relationship - I know SIX - it is definitely rubbing off on me. Let's take my brand new red Nintendo DS for instance. It is such a perfect toy ... Small, cute, portable, easy to play on a plane without having your elbows in someone's face, able to accept both intellectual games and fun games (ie: Super Mario Bros.) ... and did I mention that it is red!?!?

So now I have a new toy. My very own. I do not even have to share anymore. It was becoming a problem ... I was feeling jealous when Shanna got to play the DS and I couldn't. Now all we have to do is share the games and that is much easier!!

Gotta run. Brain Age is calling me .... or should I play Flash Focus?! Decisions.

Mexico, then a little Mexican train. Woo Woo!

Mexico - a piece of paradise and a perfect way to start 2008. Shanna and i have a lot of vacationing to do to make up for the lack of 2007 vacations due to ... well ... tragedy after tragedy it seemed. Anyway, it's a new year and what better way to celebrate than with a Chelada (beer with lime juice and salt on the rim of the glass - and PLEASE do not think it is nasty like the Miller Chill's version!), sunshine and sand?! Oh, did I mention Kimmie, too?
It was four days of just what we needed and we were not in too much of a hurry to get back to reality.

However, Mexican train was calling from NC so we had to go. Two days after returning from Mexico, we hopped back on a plane to fly to NC for a remembrance gathering for Luke since his unit was home from Afghanistan. Friday night the Milam's decided they wanted to have game night. And out came Mexican train! Mexican train is an awesome dominos game and you actually have to say woo woo! when you have one domino left. Imagine how fun that was .. woo woo! Oh, I forgot to mention, the ENTIRE Milam family is a bunch of shit talkers! I guess the apple never falls far from the tree. It's good to know Luke's family will pick up the harrassment for him :-)

Hanukkah oh Hanukkah ...

Or shall we sing, Dradle Dradle Dradle?!

I am not in much of a holiday mood for obvious reasons but for some reason I have always loved Hanukkah. Is it the Menorah, a nice game of Dradle or the potato latka's? I'd say it's a little bit of everything!

Ilisa was kind enough to put together a Hanukkah dinner so I could have my fill of the Jewish tradition this year. She made guac, spinach and artichoke dip and LATKAS!! Complete with a fancy vegetarian apron that encouraged everyone to "eat your veggies ... not your friends", she put on her domesticated hat (that in itself is a rarity) and made potato latkas for me. Not only did I get to eat amongst Jews BUT we even played a game of dradle, which I lost. And when I mean lost, I mean that I was left with only a peach jelly belly and I only ended up with that because they took pity on the goy at the table. (Goy is a Hebrew and Yiddish term for a non-Jewish person) There was even a Menorah on the table, which we lit as we ate dessert.

I am not a demanding person, but I do ask my Jewish friends to step up to the plate once a year and make me a latka. Making them myself would seem so blah. Thank you my Jewish friend for making this Hanukkah a memorable one.

Being apart

It is always difficult to be away from the people you love. There is always the hope to steal a minute together or hope for a night together.

Sometimes it is the little things I miss. Coming home and having someone smile at the sight of me walking through the door. Laying next to someone in bed. Playing footsies. Watching TV together. Comfortable silence.

I know why we must be apart right now and I truly understand. It just doesn't make it any easier.

Positions please ...

This weekend I played musical chairs (unwillingly) at a local bar. Initially, I had a great seat at the corner of the bar sandwiched between my lovely girlfriend and a great friend of ours. Then it happened ... the uncomfortable, claustrophobic situation when someone (who will remain nameless) stands between you and your friend's chair, dominates the conversation (with her back to you) and virtually pushes you out of your chair.

Really, I did not cave in as much as I was yearning for a breath of air that had not just been exhaled by someone else and a tiny bit of s-p-a-c-e. Yikes. Anyway, I unwillingly took her old seat (where you could hear NOTHING). And as if that was not enough, we were then asked to "move down, move down" and then "get into a 'U'". Wow.

Needless to say, Shanna and I started to crack up and stare at the back of someone's head- it was still turned to us even though we moved down AND got into a "U"! We even made a nice little game similar to the price is right and placed bets on how many words we could eek in for the remainder of the night.

I lost the game, but at least we enjoyed ourselves! We can make quite a game out of almost anything. But I ask ... don't people realize forcing someone to move down and turning your back to them can be considered rude?! Unless of course, your friends are a bit crazy and make a game out of the situation?!

Creepy Rabbit-woman

I am new to this blogging thing, so you are going to have to bear with me...

Let's talk about something that disturbs me. A rabbit-woman in Nashville, TN. Yes. That is what I said ... a rabbit-woman. She is in the botanical gardens in Nashville and is extremely disturbing (for adults). You see, the kids we were with, and the ones staring at her, are really not old enough to be freaked out by this because they can not appreciate the oddness of this "thing".

The rabbit-woman is a rabbit in the front (complete with hollowed out eyes) and a woman in the back (complete with her own genitals). Just so you can be as disturbed as I am I have included a picture, or two. Sorry, I just can not feel like I am the only one this haunts.